im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
