I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
