im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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