any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
