Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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