Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
