Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
