i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
