went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
