yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
