I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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