Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
