My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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