I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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