I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
