When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
a search helicopter?!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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