i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize