hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
