Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
