I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
