See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
