hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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