hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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