Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
