I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
