I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
