he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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