Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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