i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i dont even know how to be here
I just found a bag of teeth...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
