I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
