I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
