Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am naked and annoyed.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize