I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
