I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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