Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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