i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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