I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
