I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize