Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
