OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
