Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
