drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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