My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
