I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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