Can i not drive my cunt home
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
