you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
