i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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