I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
