I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
