Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
