The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
