I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
