We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
