I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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