I want to stick my p in your. b.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
