If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
