My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
