So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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