Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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