A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
