so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
