omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
