2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
