New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm both gender and math confused
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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