I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
