I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
