cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize