A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
