I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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