I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
