dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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