apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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