If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
