my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
