So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
