Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
