so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
