We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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