So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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