all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
