I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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