i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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