So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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