I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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