Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Randomize
