why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
