I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
