Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Houston, we have a squirter
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
