I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
