don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
