So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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