sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize