Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
