oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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