4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
