I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
