were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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