I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Couch. On fire.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
