Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize