My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
