Quick, to the slutcave!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
