Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
