Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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