friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize