Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
