I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
