At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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